Available data has it that 1 in 3 women worldwide experience abuse from an intimate partner in their lifetime (WHO, 2021).
In the specific case of Ghana, the UN Women (2022) assert that 1 in 4 Ghanaian women (have) suffered abuse from an intimate partner. In 2020, the Ghana Police Service reported 16,000 cases of relationship/marriage abuses. It is assumed that some abuses are not even reported to the police at all, which implies that, the real number of abusive cases could be more.
Clearly, abusive relationships are becoming a concern to the society. Several government agencies and policies such as DOVVSU, Ministry of Gender, the Department of Social Welfare, CHRAJ, the Domestic Violence Act, the National Domestic Violence Policy, among others have made efforts to curb the menace.
Also, various individuals, NGOs, private local and International Organizations continue to contribute their quota to ameliorate the situation. However, we continue to wake up each day to national newspaper headlines of one incident of abuse or the other, with many reported cases of deaths from abusive relationships.
In this article, I give you the top ten (10) factors that make women continue to live with abusive partners and endure abuses, sometimes when their own life is even at stake. The factors come from the personal critical observations I have made over the years as a practicing licensed counselor who interacts with various clients and people from all walks of life. These 10 reasons are;
- Fear:
Victims of abusive relationships often experience intense fear as a major obstacle to leaving. This fear manifests in various ways, stemming from a deep-rooted concern about the potential consequences of leaving the relationship. They fear retaliation from the abuser, who may have threatened them with violence or harm.
The fear of physical abuse, injury, or even death can be paralyzing, making the prospect of leaving seem incredibly daunting. This fear acts as a significant barrier, keeping victims trapped in the abusive relationship and making it difficult for them to envision a life free from the constant threat and intimidation they face. Several women are afraid that when they leave the relationship, their partner will trace them in their new relationship or environment and beat, harm, threaten or even kill them.
This often comes about when the man has made so much financial commitment in the relationship, hence, it is feared that he would not want to watch his ‘investment’ go waste. Therefore, if he can’t have her, no one else should. In such situation, the woman would continue to stay in the abusive relationship to ‘protect’ her life. Staying in the abusive relationship therefore becomes a ‘survival code’.
- Financial Dependence:
I have observed that financial dependence is a significant factor that can keep victims trapped in abusive relationships. Some women completely depend on their husbands for money. Such women do not have a profession or their job do not fetch them enough money to cater for themselves.
In some odd cases, the women even married the men because of their money. Hence, the abuser have complete control over the victim’s finances, limiting their access to money and resources. This financial situation creates a sense of dependency, leaving the victim without the means to support themselves and their children if they were to leave.
The fear of economic instability, homelessness, or not being able to provide for their basic needs can be overwhelming and constrains women from leaving abusive relationships. Additionally, the abuser may use financial control as a means of coercion, threatening to withhold financial support or sabotage the victim’s efforts to gain financial independence.
This creates a cycle of dependence that makes it incredibly challenging for the victim to break free. Without the financial resources and stability to establish a new life, victims often feel trapped and unable to escape the cycle of abuse.
- Low Self-Esteem:
One of the devastating factors for which women maintain abusive relationships is the erosion of their self-esteem. Abusers employ various tactics to undermine their victims’ self-worth, such as constant criticism, belittling, and humiliation. Over time, these tactics can break down the victim’s confidence and distort their perception of themselves.
They may come to believe that they deserve the abuse or that they are inherently flawed and incapable of surviving on their own. This cycle of self-doubt and diminished self-esteem creates a psychological dependence on the abuser for validation and approval. The victim may internalize the negative messages and lose sight of their own value and strengths.
This deep-seated belief that they are unworthy or incapable of living independently can make leaving the abusive relationship seem impossible. Rebuilding self-esteem and self-worth are crucial aspects of empowering victims to break free from the cycle of abuse and reclaim their lives.
- Lack of Supportive Relationships:
One other important observation I have made is that victims of abuse often find themselves lacking a strong support system or having strained relationships with family and friends. They normally do not have enough friends and family support. In fact, sometimes, the abusers employ isolating tactics where they intentionally isolate the victim from their loved ones or spread false narratives about them.
They cut the victim’s friends and family from them. Hence, when victims feel like they have nowhere to turn for help or guidance, they find it difficult to leave the abusive relationship. The absence of a reliable support network leaves them without the emotional, practical, and financial resources that are crucial for escaping the abuse. This lack of support can contribute to a deep sense of loneliness and helplessness, trapping victims in the cycle of abuse and making it incredibly challenging to break free and seek the help they desperately need.
Building a support network that includes friends, family, support groups, or professional resources is essential in empowering victims to leave abusive relationships and start the healing process.
- Hope for Change:
A significant factor that can keep victims in abusive relationships is the hope that their abusive partner could change or reform someday. Despite enduring ongoing abuse, victims may hold onto the belief that the abuser will recognize their harmful behaviour, seek help, and reform.
This hope is often fueled by intermittent periods of kindness, remorse, or apologies from the abuser, creating a cycle of hope and disappointment. During these moments of apparent change, victims may see glimpses of the person they fell in love with, reinforcing the belief that the abuser has the capacity to change.
Additionally, society’s continuous preaching of forgiveness and the belief in the power of love can further strengthen this hope. The victim’s desire to salvage the relationship and maintain the emotional investment they have made can make leaving seem especially difficult. Unfortunately, this hope for change prolongs the victim’s suffering and delay their realization that the abusive behaviour is unlikely to cease.
- Cultural or Religious Beliefs:
Cultural or religious beliefs can exert a powerful influence on individuals staying in abusive relationships. The cultural and religious teachings that emphasize forgiveness, submission, or the sanctity of marriage compel victims to endure abuse in hopes of maintaining societal or religious expectations.
In certain cultures or religious communities, break up or divorce may be stigmatized or strongly discouraged. Victims may internalize these beliefs and prioritize the preservation of the relationship or family unit above their own safety and well-being. The fear of judgment or ostracization from their community can be a significant barrier to leaving the abusive relationship.
- Trauma Bonding:
Trauma bonding is a phenomenon where victims develop a deep emotional attachment to their abusers, which can make it incredibly challenging to break free from the abusive relationship. This bond is formed through a complex interplay of fear, intermittent kindness and a distorted sense of love and loyalty. The abuser may alternate between periods of extreme cruelty and moments of kindness or affection, creating a cycle of highs and lows.
These intermittent acts of kindness become powerful reinforcements that the victim desperately clings to, hoping for a return to the loving relationship they initially experienced. The trauma bonding can also be reinforced by the abuser’s manipulation tactics, such as gaslighting, which makes the victim doubt their own perceptions and reality.
The emotional attachment formed through trauma bonding can be so strong that victims may rationalize and minimize the abuse, believing that their abuser truly loves them or that they can change them. Breaking free from trauma bonding requires a deep understanding of the dynamics at play and specialized support to help victims untangle their emotions and rebuild their sense of self-worth and autonomy.
- Children and Parenting Concerns:
With many of the clients I have dealt with, it is clear that when children are involved in the abusive relationship, they feel compelled to stay due to concerns about the impact of separation on their children’s well-being. They fear that leaving the abusive partner could result in losing custody or facing lengthy and contentious legal battles.
The thought of disrupting their children’s lives and exposing them to the upheaval of a separation haunt them. Furthermore, the abuser may exploit the children as a means to control and manipulate the victim. They may use threats of taking the children away or painting the victim as an unfit parent to maintain his control. This dynamic can create immense guilt and fear in the victim, making it even more difficult to make the decision to leave.
The safety and well-being of the children become intertwined with the victim’s own safety, adding an extra layer of complexity to the already challenging process of leaving an abusive relationship. It is crucial for victims to seek professional guidance and support to navigate the legal and parenting challenges, ensuring the best interests of the children are prioritized in the decision-making process.
- Normalization of Abuse:
Some women have stayed and endured abuse for so long that they are accustomed to the abuse. Some suffered abuse in their childhood, so they grew up thinking abuse is normal. Again, abuse and abusive language are increasingly becoming so pervasive in our modern-day society, hence, what constitutes a good and healthy relationship is beginning to get lost on people making it increasingly difficult to recognize the severity of the situation.
The abuser often employs tactics to manipulate the victim’s thoughts and emotions, such as blame-shifting making it seem it is the victim’s fault or they rightly deserve the abuse. The victim may internalize the abuser’s narrative that the abuse is their fault or that it is a normal aspect of intimate relationships.
This normalization of abuse can create a cycle of self-blame, self-doubt, and diminished self-esteem, making it harder for victims to gather the courage to leave. Breaking free from this normalization requires a shift in perspective and a reevaluation of what constitutes a healthy relationship. It often necessitates external support, such as therapy or counseling, to help victims rebuild their self-worth and recognize that the abuse is not their fault.
- Sexual Satisfaction:
As almost weak and funny as this point may appear, it is actually the reason some women choose to stay in abusive relationships. In some cases, victims of abusive relationships feel conflicted about leaving due to the sexual satisfaction they experience with their abusive partner.
The abuser may possess certain qualities or skills that fulfill the victim’s sexual desires, leading them to believe that they cannot find that level of satisfaction elsewhere. The abuser may also use sexual manipulation or coercion as a means to control the victim, creating a psychological bond that intertwines pleasure and pain.
This can create confusion and a sense of dependency, as the victim may feel that leaving the relationship would mean sacrificing the sexual aspect they find gratifying. The fear of losing this sexual satisfaction, combined with the psychological and emotional manipulation employed by the abuser, can make it challenging for victims to break free from the abusive relationship. It is vital for victims to recognize that their sexual satisfaction should not come at the expense of their safety, well-being, and autonomy.
From the foregoing, it is clear that victims of abuse need a support system. Part of the support system is education and enlightenment, which this article has sought to do. We shall continue to educate and engage with relevant bodies and organisations to develop strategies that could help to reduce the canker.
In case you find yourself in an abusive relationship, kindly reach out to me for professional support. Besides, if you have or know an organization or an NGO, both local or international, that is interested in supporting and fighting against abusive relationships and protecting women, kindly reach out to me through my email address below so that we can partner and work together.
Thank you for reading today’s episode. Continue to follow the insightful articles I share on this page.
Source: 3News